Full Moon in Capricorn

[[The horoscope for this week was very much informed and inspired by Resmaa Menakem’s book Rock the Boat: How To Use Conflicts To Heal and Deepen Your Relationship. The content and terminology — such as “emotional stalemate”, “emotional bottleneck”, “brightening of self”, “holding onto yourself” under pressure — felt powerfully relevant to the astrology that we are moving through this week.]]

Last week, a Full Moon in Capricorn drew up emotional waves around certain points of integrity, particularly with respect to how we provide for ourselves on a material level, and how we draw and hold boundaries — with others, but really starting with ourselves. It shone upon the balance that we’ve struck between work and self-nurturance, career and family, worldly reputation and creating a Home within ourselves.

Ultimately it raised the questions of — Who do we want to become? Where are we headed? What matters to us? What do we stand for? And how do we hold onto this under pressure? Capricorn is a Cardinal Earth sign. Cardinal signs initiate seasons. Earth signs involve matter, the body, and the Earth, the process of materialization, manifestation and building. Last week’s Full Moon opened up the questions:

What crystallizes under the heat and pressure of two hard choices? Is it fear? Self-doubt? Spine-lengthening heart-courage? Integrity?

What materializes when we face of the peril and possibility of an emotional stalemate?

The major astrological event of this week, though we likely have felt it building for a couple weeks, is a T-square between Mars, Saturn and Uranus, which I see pointing to an intense emotional bottleneck or stalemate followed by the potential for a “brightening of self”.

First, I’ll focus on this Mars-Saturn opposition and talk about “committed relationships” or “committed partnerships”. Before I do though, I want to clarify that I’m not just talking about romantic relationships. With Saturn in Aquarius, I’m looking more and more at our relationship to all of humanity and to our own humanity as a “committed relationship” … given that we are committed to being on this planet together, in these bodies, whether we own it as a conscious choice or not.

That said, this relationship to humanity is encountered and unpacked within the containers of the particular and very personal family bonds, parent-child dynamics, relationships with in-laws, close friendships, romantic partnerships, etc. And this feels relevant this week, as we face an escalating “emotional stalemate” or “emotional bottleneck” between the individual and the collective, which, again, may play out within our personal bonds, as the Sun in Cancer shines upon them.

When it comes to romantic partnerships, many of us have experienced this transition from the honeymoon phase (that bubble of love temporarily buffering us against life’s uncertainties and harder growth edges) into figuring out how to navigate the mundane tasks and rhythms of daily life, as well as the bigger turns and bumps in the road, together. As both sovereign and interdependent beings.

In that process, we are bound to come up against an emotional stalemate. Where an aspect of me just being who I am is blocking some aspect of your ability to just keep being who you are. The way that I have, thus far, best lived into my values is blocking the way you have best lived into your values. And I could have my best ideas about how you could and should change, but you won’t or can’t. You could have your best ideas about how I could and should change, but I won’t or can’t. And then we can have our societally sanctioned (or not) strategies around trying to help the other change.

Such emotional stalemates push us to build our capacity to be present with our pain (and, not just any pain, but hurt that goes deep and far back) and to be present with our feelings (and, not just any feelings, but those BIG feelings like self-doubt, despair, fear, frustration, anger, rage, shame).

In that process, the peril of a stalemate is that one or both partners could lose contact with what really matters to them and act out, spiraling into cycles of contempt, blame, accusation, escapism, harm. Last week’s Venus-Pluto opposition may have touched on this dynamic. Venus governs our relationships and harmony, and Pluto governs our “Godzilla brain”, as Resmaa Menakem wrote, this part of the brain that rings the alarm: “I’m vulnerable! I’m scared! Destroy Tokyo!”

Last week (and the past year), Pluto may have pulled up the curtains on a conditioned reflex to compromise our authentic selves for the sake of superficial peace or promised reward. It may have pulled up the curtains on a reflex to blame or to save someone or something outside of ourselves.

But also, Pluto may have pulled up the curtains upon the process of some deep transformation we opened up to, guided by a deeper heart’s longing.

Due to our willingness to love another, we may have been led into the vulnerable work of learning what it means to love ourselves. In our desire to be more authentically kind and honest with another, we've begun to learn what it means to be kind and honest with ourselves. To be in right relationship. This week’s Mars-Saturn opposition continues urging us along this path.

This possibility could not become available without the peril (such is the nature of the gifts from the malefics…). The friction and tension has the potential of teasing out immaturities within our system that have been curled up in a protective shell against feeling something that our inner child — from the vantage point of one who is a dependent — associated with “death” or what might happen when we lose attachment with our primary caregiver. For example, maybe this Mars-Saturn opposition triggers a dynamic rooted in not being seen or validated, which means one thing in the context of a child, and means another thing in the context of adulthood. Maybe not death, but opening our hearts more fully to grief or heartbreak.

Having had this protective shell makes sense. We have sensitive, gooey, vulnerable insides that would be overwhelmed without the wise timing of our own unfolding. It’s just that now, we may be coming up to a threshold of our own unfolding, that does ask us: Does this shell still fit? Is it time to risk being seen for who we are, for what we have chosen, for what we value? What happens when focus more on that, than the little, subtle ways we try to preemptively guess and contain the other person’s response to us? When we focus less on strategy and more on coming to presence, integrity, humility … … … what happens?

The answer is simultaneously Saturnian and Uranian. You receive something, outside of the current paradigm, that can be taken by no person and no thing.

Saturn governs the opposition. So you can look at this 180 degree relationship that Mars is currently forming with Saturn, and get that sense that it’s working us, it's maturing us in the way that only Saturn could.

Saturn holds us up to do things we don’t feel like doing. To follow through with the essence of a core intention, even in the (awe-full) moment of dawning upon what that actually means.

Even when it means becoming more vulnerable than we ever imagined and taking more responsibility for ourselves than we thought was possible.

Saturn, and the opposition aspect, leads us to a confrontation with ourselves. (But, with the opposition, it also involves something outside of ourselves, so it's tricky to see). But in facing and being with what we were not previously able to be with, we achieve a kind of self-mastery that can’t be taken away, as it wasn’t taught or given to us. It was discovered or uncovered within us, and chosen by us. Again and again.

Until we reach a stalemate in relationship, where neither one of us wants to or is able to change, we will kind of work our ways around entering this portal of transformation. We come up against each other, and back off. Come up against each other, and back off. We find a way to cool down, placate, stay in relationship. One or both of us compromises their authenticity and freedom in palatable ways until we are unrecognizable to ourselves. Or we don’t, and go our separate ways. But this option of avoidance seems less available this week. Still possible, but less tolerable.

So what do we do, when all choices feel hard? In Rock the Boat, Resmaa Menakem writes:

“The answer to the question What are we going to do? is not an idea or a plan or a foolproof strategy. It’s a process of living through uncertainty, soothing yourself, and accepting some hard truths as they emerge. Some of these you can’t see yet —not because you aren’t looking, but because when you’re in the middle of something, your vantage point won’t always allow you to see all sides. And right now each of you has an emotional investment in protecting your current sense of self.

This process of living into and through uncertainty is vital. If neither of you knows what to do, then for now just stay in I don’t know, without running away. Take care of yourself without looking for your partner to take care of you. And when you can, reach out to your partner from the best parts of yourself.”

What this T-square transit offers, is an understanding that the way we have lived into our values, thus far, was coming from a capacity that is smaller than the capacity we currently have access to growing. But, to access it, we have to keep practicing humility and getting present. Keep turning toward our tools and practices of grounding, re-centering, breathing, conscious movements, self-soothing, tuning into what is authentic self-care, co-regulating with the Earth.

Now, let’s move on from the Mars-Saturn opposition on July 1st, to the Mars-Uranus square that happens two days later.

If, earlier in the week, we were pulled into the undertow of a cycle of dirty pain (of denial or blame, false compromise or lashing out), there’s a chance that the part of us that capitulated, is angled to burst forward and assert its right to freedom and voice. Maybe the part of us feeling blamed or wronged, is gathering a launch of self-defense. And, in these reactions, the possibility of maturing through this threshold, into the person we want to become in relationship to the world, may be temporarily lost … or that process made more uncomfortable.

If we keep choosing the path of clean pain, this Mars-Uranus square may bring us to what Menakem terms:

“critical mass — the place where the pressure and stresses are so great that something has to give. Someone decides that they can’t go on in the same way.

And then something important changes. In a moment of peril and possibility, one of you makes a leap toward greater balance and integrity. Moments such as these test your resolve — and your limitations.

… After the person makes this leap, their partner almost always demands that they leap back and return to the old status quo — but they don’t. Their spine straightens, their eyes brighten, and they hold their ground. They don’t run away but stand firm inside the relationship. They tell their partner, ‘I love you with my whole heart, but I’m not going back to things the way they were.’ This knowing and clarity, and the accompanying physical changes are often called a ‘brightening of self.’”

This is the brilliance that is Mars in Leo.

This is a transformation (Pluto) in Cardinal Earth style (Capricorn). It awakens our body. How we see actually changes. How we hold our body changes. How we occupy space changes. What we are building in our lives changes …. when we let go of control of the outcome and align with the best parts of ourselves, or our highest awareness.

This is not just a new cognitive understanding, it’s Uranus in Taurus. It is a revolution of matter. It is a revolution in how we matter, from the inside out.

Take good care of yourself this week. Drink water. Take bathroom breaks. Return to your mantras and affirmations. Simplify. Maintain a simple pleasure practice. Turn towards the sun when it rises. Tune into the part of you that feels aligned with your most core purpose ... And, if you don’t know what that is yet, in terms of what to do, practice staying present with your body. Listen. Breathe. Notice sensations. Notice thoughts. Return to your most authentic goal.

Notice what tendencies, reflexes, or strategies are melting under the heat of this opposition, potentially giving way to a deeper, vaster capacity to be with uncertainty, to be with yourself in process, while ever-aligning with your goal.