Lunar Eclipse in Capricorn

From protecting a hurt … a hurt that occurred long ago and was passed down for generations before we came, a hurt that had become a part of our own personal story, arising from our DNA then matched and re-made by our environment, by a primary relationship, by a predominant family or cultural story, feeling so true and real as if it actually did originate with us and was because of us, because of the not-enoughness we learned that we were … a shell was formed and became a part of our identity.

It was necessary at the time, to function and survive.

Without its construction, we would have collapsed under the weight of need coming through our own microcosmic matrix of the lack-based stories, to which we were exposed as just tiny humans on this planet.

But we survived and grew. And eventually, on some level, our emotional body sent murmurings about how a quantum of our own vibrant life force energy has been dedicated to the up-keep of this shell. About how some part of our great inner WILD learned to continuously calcify, at the levels of the physical, the emotional, mental, psychic, spiritual, to form this shell … ultimately out of Love.

And, at some point, this Love matured and exceeded the size of the shell. At some point, consciousness found a way to break it down. Without context, without a story or a culture that recognizes and holds this process of shedding, we may only interpret it just as a really terrible day, or a terrible month or year ...

And, even though life helped us shed it to make space for new growth, the program, especially at the mental level, remained. Ready to rebuild it, re-story it back in place. Though a little thinner each time.

As Mars enters Aries and Saturn re-enters Capricorn during this Cancer Season, we have available to us all the profound courage, will power and intentionality necessary to come into as full presence as our nervous system can possibly allow, in the exact moment between the shedding of one shell and building the next, when we are suddenly exposed to more life, more feeling, more Unknown, more Mystery, more mistakes, more success, more of our humanity.

To catch a sneak peek of the eternal Now and the witnessing Presence within, in that poignant moment of pure vulnerability to the evolutionary process. To simultaneously allow but also be mindful of our own minds working and weaving our shell back into place, back into a kind of necessary protection to function, but in a way that gives us more agency to lift and move it at the appropriate times, without losing our bearings or sense of Self.

Eclipse energy is big. You don’t have to go looking for it or work for it. It brings what it brings to your door. Trust that what arises is exactly what is your piece of the puzzle to attend and bring love to.

Love the part of yourself that doesn’t love your whole self. Love the part of yourself that learned to withhold love, if you didn’t meet x, y or z expectation. Love the part of you that resists the growth, that waits for it to be over, that denies, argues, fixes, controls ...

Because we are in Cancer season. Pour the love of the Divine Mother over all of your parts. But with awareness and responsibility. Listen to where they are coming from, and ask about what they need. Send the conversations into the I AM consciousness of your heart. Let it all finally land home. Forgive yourself for always doing the best you could, even as you awake to the unconsciousness woven into it.

The more practice you have with forgiving yourself, the more you are able to do that with others. Not because forgiveness is the “morally right” thing to do. Not because others “deserve” it. Not because their behavior was, in any way, Okay. But because forgiveness returns to you the freedom and sovereignty that can empower and clarify the right action that is unhooked from old cycles, and breaks through to a fresh new season. With both compassion and conviction. Because even from a place of forgiveness, this right action can include cutting off or limiting someone’s access to you, removing your physical body, setting a firm boundary, directly expressing your frustration, taking direct action, protesting.

As it is so powerful and because it directly works with pain, we cannot actually remain conscious and anchor into our authority in the energy field of Mars in Aries, without the forgiveness of Pisces. No zodiacal sign exists in a vacuum. Aries comes after Pisces for a reason. Neptune retrograde in Pisces is backtracking and covering psychic ground, pointing out the places we have attached to a “should”, to an outcome, become calcified at the expense of the authentic, interconnected process of being and becoming. Again, forgiveness isn’t saying it is Okay or being passive around it. Forgiveness is a “seeing through” the toxic fruit to the root. It is saying that in order to heal the harm caused by unconsciousness, we have to understand it all the way down to the roots so they don’t pop up anew under a whole new guise.

And these roots exist within each of us.

So, when Eclipse season brings what it does to your door, whether it seemingly has nothing to do with white supremacy/psychosis, patriarchy, or capitalism, we have a chance to ask ourselves whether we are aligning with the same energy of separation that gave rise to these illnesses, or whether we are aligned with our own divine imagination. This Piscean gift harmonizes with the Cancerian season of remembering what a relationship with the Divine Mother archetype feels like, how life-affirming it is, even as it allows ego deaths and transformation.

Brené Brown recently wrote, “Being held accountable for racism and feeling shame is not the same thing as being shamed.”

When I read this, I also heard —

You can forgive yourself for the underworld journeys you have sent others on, by being the most true version of yourself at that moment.

You can forgive others for the underworld journeys they have sent you on, by being the most true version of themselves.

You can sharpen your sword of discernment, with Mars in Aries now, to tease out the subtle difference between a fear-based action that causes harm and a love-based action that catalyzes authentic growth. Both of which is painful, but only one perpetuates and the other breaks a cycle of harm. With Saturn back in Capricorn, we can commit to steadily and persistently re-skilling ourselves with all of the communication tools, the clearing tools, the mindfulness tools, etc … so we can responsibly show up for ourselves and others the moments in which our authentic expression brings up pain in another.

Milkweed is a beautiful medicine in full flower now. It can be held in the form of flower essence and support you all throughout the year. It is food for the monarchs. Food for the pollinators. Food for our slumbering egos and our transformation. Food for our soul’s healing. It is a reminder that medicine can be simple, accessible and synergistic with our whole journey. Maybe not a cure-all or a quick-to-fix kind of medicine, but a tender, impossibly intricate spiderweb woven netting holding you in your deepest transformation.

Much love and many blessings, Nicole